WE ARE EXCITED TO ADOPT!!

Sean and I just had our 8 year anniversary wow it is crazy how fast time has flown by! I am so grateful to have him and to celebrate our adoption to become parents! We are so EXCITED and can't wait for our dreams to come true of having a bigger family!!

     Sean and I have EXCITING NEWS!!!!! This last week we have been finally able to be on the waiting list for our little embryos, our babies YAY!!! We are super stoked about it and can’t wait to have a son or daughter come into this world and to bring him/her into our home and share the gospel with our little angel and most importantly about our Savior Jesus Christ and to let them know how important each of them are! I am looking forward to knowing how many children we have and what the genders are and when they come!!! They said that it could take a year or so but, we’re so HAPPY to be on the waiting list at least, that’s one step closer to having our precious children!!!

     Sean and I went to celebrate this not only this exciting news but also decided to celebrate our Anniversary early due to how busy my sweetheart will be with work! This last Wednesday we went to the Frankies of Columba and then on Thursday night if I remember correctly we went to the Temple and did a session there! I really enjoyed it, it was a lot of fun, you can’t beat the Temple it’s so spiritual and amazing! It really brings back memories of when we got married especially because I still have my dress that I wore in our Celestial room and I still wear it at the Temple after 8 years of marriage!!! It has flown by way to fast its crazy!! We really enjoyed our time together as a family afterwards we went to Cracker Barrell and ate dinner then came home and went to bed we were going to watch a movie but, it was getting too late!! Here is a picture of us at the Doctors office for it!!! YAY!!!! I will post more of it once we get more on our journey of having children!!!! We can’t thank Heavenly Father enough for the wonderful many blessings that he has given us and shall continue to give us! As we bless and serve others and become more like our Savior Jesus Christ we will be able to unite as one as a couple and help those around us!!

     My friend Brendi who is just amazing I am so happy that she is in my life and how awesome of a person she is! I am so blessed that Heavenly Father gives us the people that he does to have in our lives it’s incredible!! She is the one that told us about the Embyo Adoption!!! Anyways Brendi I am so super stoked and EXCITED for her and her husband!! It turns out that she is pregnant with TWINS YAY!!! This is so freaking exciting I have been praying for her ever since she told me she is worried that one twin might not make it but, I am pretty sure that he or she will. I know that miracles can still happen!! She has an ultrasound this Thursday so she will keep me posted on what happens!! I am just so happy that at least one of the twins has a heartbeat YAY!! That right there is a success and incredible!! The doctors are thinking that the other twin is just a few days shy of development from the other one they will be Identical twins!!! I will post more once I find out more about it!!!

     This is a very exciting time in each of our lives right now and a very busy time also! Sean says that he will be busy for the next 6 months which is such a tremendous huge blessing!!!  It is pretty crazy because not only did I speak twice in church today but, next Sunday I have to give a talk in Sacrament meeting ekk I am excited but I know it will go well I hope anyways it’s on “The Physical and Spiritual Benefits of The Word of Wisdom”. I am actually looking forward to doing some church research some talks about it! I am now exercising daily at least I am trying to do the best that I can with it! Sometimes that is all that we can do is to do the best that we can!! Also so I think this will help me learn more as well as help many others who will be there to listen to my talk next Sunday!!! I will also put my talk on here too! I will end it for now!!! 

November 11th. 2016

This week for class i have learned a lot on Fatherhood and Finances and wanted share this awesome quote...

We do live in turbulent times. Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties. Statistics reveal that at some time, for a variety of reasons, you may find yourself in the role of financial provider. I urge you to pursue your education and learn marketable skills so that, should such a situation arise, you are prepared to provide.

-President Thomas S. Monson

November 13th, 2016

   Yesterday was such an AWESOME WONDERFUL GREAT day!! Thanks Sean for everything!! We were able to go to the Temple this smorning and then drive to our concert that we've been waiting since July to go!! This was our date/Anniversary night since Sean has been working nonstop for 3 months 112 hrs a week its been nuts he was finally able to have a day OFF YAY so we did this went to an amazing concert!! It was Chris Mann in Phantom of the Opera and Jackie Evancho!! We LOVED it!! Of course ate food that was delicious!!

Here is a picture of it!!

Today is Sunday November 13th, 2016

     A lot has happened since I last wrote its crazy how much time goes by fast even though sometimes it feels like it doesn't like waiting for children, getting a home and out of debt! It all takes time but, I know that it will all be well worth it in the end once we get to that point! I know that it is all in the Lord's timing and that it will be okay Sean and I are getting there working on our credit and putting some money into savings! YAY!! I am excited about all of it! Today has been a great Sunday even though we didn't go to church it has been nice to be able to spend time together as a couple and still reflect on the Savior and remember Him we should remember Him in our daily lives but, especially Sunday! I LOVE Sundays and how you feel close to the spirit! I am so grateful for the gospel and for all that the Lord has blessed us with and will continue to bless our little family with as well as our extended families! I am happy that we are finally getting established and that we will be in our home here soon! We are thinking about probably being in our new home in April or May of next year 2017!! :) We want to get a 3 to 4 bed home but, we will have to see what Heavenly Father has in store for us! Sean and I will be going back to Charleston next month to this same place and getting a membership here! Were excited about this but, we won’t get a membership right away it is a little pricey so we will wait until we are out of debt! We will be going to the Nutcracker in December I am super excited to see it! At this building that we went to last night there is dance, theater, music and lots of entertainment it was AWESOME!!

I am so happy that Sean paid for it back in July and surprised me!!

The struggles of Infertility..........

              It has been a hard 6 years but we have  been very blessed even though we have had finances and health problems. I feel emptiness inside of me because of not being able to conceive and not being able to feel what its like to have a baby grow inside of you and to see that little cute pregnant belly bump from month to month and to hear that amazing heart beat for the first time. To be able to see that baby grow in you and see how big you get  and then for the exciting time in your life being able to finally have your precious son/daughter of God come out into the world and you finally get to hold he/she for the first time and have it forever in your arms. I want so badly to experience this and the love that you have but life just inst fear at times is it? No its not for life wasn't meant to be easy its suppose to be hard and challenging.  I know that the Lord does want us to be happy here on earth though too. We are suppose to live life to the very best of our ability and endure it well most of all help others and share the gospel. Its so hard to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with struggling with infertility you just don't know where to fin in.  With couples who have children and newly weds who are just starting off and who are pregnant and then you have those families were they have lots of children and still growing to an even bigger family. Then you have  the elderly which you don't fit there either in none of these. Its hard to make friends  Then you have us who cant have children and don't fit in anywhere.......


                    Its also been really hard with having to move a lot because then you get attached to your ward and your friends and then you have to move and start the process all over again moving is already stressful enough. Then trying to fit in a ward again and then you get asked the same questions over and over again about when are you doing to have children? Or why don't your have children? Dont you want children? Do you even know how to have a child? I have gotten asked all of these questions plus more.....Its so frustrating being asked all of these questions and having to explain myself over and over again that no of course I want children Id love to have them but we just cant......Then when you get called into Nursery I have wanted to say no to that calling as well as primary because of this because it has been so hard and challenging.  I took those callings anyways even though I knew it was going to be hard and stressful. I knew that the Lord gave me this calling and I needed to do his work and will.  The Lords plans aren't always are plans that's for sure but we just have to deal with it and try to get through out trials. I knew that also excepting your callings you are blessed yes we have been blessed  very much so but it still wasn't easy. 

                   I am tired of people asking questions and me having to explain it over and over again yes I know that they are trying to help but it only makes it worse. For the longest time I have felt unimportant and feeling like for some reason that the Lord didn't trust me to be a mother because so many people that I knew were either pregnant or just had a new born. Or they just had a big family to were they had already been finished with having children. but yet they were still little enough to be still growing up. I have felt like the Lord didn't really seem to care because it just looked so easy and simple for all of these woman who got pregnant or just had a new born and what not because they could get pregnant so fast and such short of time like in ancient it seemed like they were pregnant at least to me that's what it seemed like and felt like. Mothers Day is the hardest you don't even want to get out of bed and go to church all you want to do is just sleep and relax and eat chocolate and cry but  I didn't do that did I want to? Yes of course I did  would it make me feel better? Yes maybe so but I knew that I needed to stay strong and go to church anyways because that was the most important thing to do. I also knew and know that the Lord wants me to do that as well to be string and go to church as hard as it was and is its worth it and was worth it until one day someone came up to me and was passing on the gifts and said "  This is only for mothers your not a mother" It was so rude I was like how dare they say that to me they don't even know me or what I have gone through. Wow that day really crushed me then I really felt important and not loved even though yes I had a husband who loved me and who will always love me and be there for me. 

                     Then one day I had realized something I had realized that what I have gone through wasn't and isn't easy for its probably one of the most hardest trails here on earth at least for me anyways some people may or may not think so but it is for me. I had realized that the Savior died for me and he has gone through what I have gone through and knows how I am feeling yes I knew that but did I fully understand it how we should understand it? No obliviously not which wasn't a bad thing at all for if I did perhaps it wouldn't pf been so hard as it is or perhaps I wouldn't be who I am or in other words I wouldn't be stronger than who I am today. By realizing this doesn't  fix whats happening in my life but it does fix about how I am feeling and it helps with pain and grief knowing that someone loves me and knowing that he atoned for me for my sins and my pains and afflictions and knowing also that I am not a lone as well as all of us. I am very happy for my friends/family who are pregnant and who just have new borns. Yes its been very hard but its well worth it in the end and not giving up. Now heres for the crying part which all of it is crying as well but this one especially.......\

                     I have been an aunt since I was in Kindergarten  which has for me been amazing and wonderful and I love children very much and I most certainly love of course all of my nephews/nieces and my brothers and sisters. Being an aunt for that long and then finally get married to the love of your life who you want to spend forever with you dream of this day and life as a couple at least for me I dreamed of it ever since I was a little girl yes i had fun of course when I was little but I have always wanted to be a mother  maybe I dreamed of it because I was an aunt so young in my lifetime.  Some of my nephews/nieces I feel like there my brothers and sisters because of the age of being close. I have been very blessed to have a big family and I wouldn't trade it but its been hard as well because you see your brothers/sisters having children and then you still don't fit in but I have been blessed and I am very thankful to have my wonderful loving nieces/nephews.  Yes I know my family loves me so much and i love them and I am happy for them to have children and to get married someday for those in my family who aren't yet but I will  be happy for them when they have children as well. The reason why this one was the most crying part was because I have realized that with having such a big family I am so blessed I don't know how much more blessed I can get and I don't trade it not at all.....

                     I have come to realize that with having a lot of nephews/nieces yes its been hard with this trail now heres the crying part of all of it......Believe it or not with having such a big family that i have it has helped me with this trial that i am going through and who knows how long I mean we might have a miracle but I am not giving up and i ma still having the Faith that I need and still staying strong sometimes in life you just cant fix things you just have to deal with it. I am so thankful to have this family and to have new borns with being able to have such a big family I have so many new borns and children running around we don't have so much of the new borns but the 6 years that i have been married my family has gotten bigger since then. The reason why it has helped me is because when I hold that precious child of God it brings me peace yes I know that its not my child that I get to have forever but it is family to me and I get to hold he/she and I get to be there aunt forever that to me has helped so much just holding them and feeling the love I get I often wonder if that's somewhat close or almost close to the same feelings that you get of finally holding your child in your arms of being a parent.  For if it is its probably a much stronger of love than that but I am so glad and thankful that I get to feel that and get to come close to it a little.  I know that the Lord knew that i needed that and knew that I needed my family and I am grateful for that and that I realized this and not gone on over the years with out realizing how blessed I am and not getting angry with the Lord or family and just being grateful for that......That right there was a lot to learn and to be okay with everything.......

                    I also know that as we stay strong in our trials we can endure them to the end and endure it well. I know also that as we find the joy that we need in our journeys of life we can be happier and bring peace into our souls that kind of peace that we need and what the Lord wants us to have in our life's as well as in our own homes. Sean and i do have a family even though its just us two we at least have each other and i for one am not complaining over that after what happened to us in our marriage anyways that another story that many of you already know about that. I know as we help others in there trials we can also help ourselves in ours as well. As we come what may and love it we find a little bit of peace and more love in our homes just like as we would in the Temples.  I know that the Lord does want me to be happy in this life for we only live it once so we should all  do our best in everything that we go through and yes its okay to cry every once in a while but its even better to be happy and to see the goodness that the Lord has brought you in your life. I also know that as we are happy we our more closer to the spirit instead of having a bad attitude and not being happy. We can choose to be either happy or sad while going through our trials id prefer happy again like I said its okay to cry for crying is good but it is good to see the good in you and others as well as especially your life.  Yes it isn't easy to be okay with this to not be able to get pregnant and have a child but I do know that I am not alone in this. The Lord gives us certain trials for a reason whatever the reason is I don't know but I do know that trials do make you stronger and better people then we were yesterday , today and even better tomorrow and forever. Here is a quote that helped me today about not giving up......I truly needed this today.....

                                                    




                                                     
      


                    

Let me tell you our story.........

              Our story began in the year of 2007. I was in High School  in my sophomore year and Sean was on his mission in Seattle Washington. Through a sequence of events Sean and I became pen pals set up by our mothers. Sean and I wrote each other for the last 7 and 1/2 months of his mission we really got to know each other when he got home we meet for the first time it was such a surprise. Sean had come home early for college which I had no idea he was going to do. It was such a surprise and excitement but yet nerve racking all at the sometime we had never meet each other until then. We went on a couple of dates and then I left to go on a pioneer trek which was really amazing and so spiritual which I will never forget. When I came home Sean and I continued to date and after 4 months we got married in the Snowflake AZ Temple for time and all Eternity. That day was one of the best days of my life I was so happy to be able to get married in the Temple and to be with my eternal companion forever. We got married on October 18th, 2008. Everything went great at first just enjoying life and spending time together as a couple, life was good and then Sean had woken up one morning and he was in such pain. We were married at that time for only 3 months he had got up out of bed and had fallen to the ground I was just terrified and worried and wondering what to do? I called one of our friends and my grandpa to come and help Sean up and to give him a blessing. Later I had to take him to the ER to see what was wrong it turns out that he had an awful infection in his body. Since that day forward we were in the hospital constantly which was very hard for me and for him. It was like we would go every Friday night to the hospital, it was an awful way of spending our Friday nights as newlyweds. His body was so infected and that's why we had to go to the hospital so much. Sean had been doing well because he had been on antibiotics. Sean had been going to nursing school and we thought this trial was almost over. Little did I know Sean would take a turn for the worst and we went to the hospital 3 nights in a row and the Dr. told us to go home. One night everything went horribly wrong when Sean spiked a really high fever. We went to bed and thought the fever would go away but instead I had a really strong feeling to check on him and when I turned on the light Sean was unconscious and barley breathing.  I was just in shock at first, trying to decide what to do I prayed and cried and called my mom because she is a nurse both of our parents came and gave Sean a blessing and we called 911. When the paramedics came they shocked him and because I didn't know any of his health conditions his mother had to go with him in the ambulance while I had to go with my parents to the hospital just panicing and crying and not knowing if when I got to the hospital whether my husband would be alive or not. While Sean and his mother were in the ambulance from Snowflake to Taylor they had already shocked him a total of 4 times and in the ER they shocked him again 3 more times the survival rate of that is 4 %. After working on Sean for 1 and 1/2 hours in the ER he had to be flown out to the Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix and even though I was married they wouldn't let me or anyone in the family go in the helicopter. I was so mad and frustrated that I couldn't be with my husband. Didn't I have the right to be with him? After all he is my spouse and in my opinion I had every right to be by his side especially in a time like this. It was so very hard for me to be okay with not being able to hear or know what was going on while he was flown not knowing while on my way to the valley if I would be able to see him and say goodbye before he goes and hugging him and telling him that I loved him. I was in shock, not knowing how to react to all of this. All that I could think of while going to the valley with my in laws was I just keep on praying and being okay with whatever were to happen. It was so hard to travel and waiting to get there to see my dear sweetheart and to be with him and being able to know if he was okay or not. I needed the patience of waiting while we drove for 4 hrs early in the morning. I cried the whole way and just still in shock of what was happening. When we had finally reached our destination, finally getting there we had to wait in the lobby not knowing what was going on. We did not know if my sweetheart was going to make it or not and not knowing if I would be able to say a word to him if it were to be my last chance of ever being able to talk to him. I knew that my sweetheart might not make it and that he was fighting for his life. I was so terrified thinking that here I am at age of 17 only been married for 5 months and now I might be a widow. All of these things were coming into my mind and not knowing what to do or to be okay with what might happen. I needed to be able to have the Faith that I needed to have in order to get through this. I said a prayer so many times of just being able to get through this whatever might happen and to be able to just put my trust in the Lord. We waited in that lobby not hearing anything from medical staff for 8 hrs. It was so hard and so very frustrating I would call in  and they wouldn't say anything to me finally my brother in law had got frustrated and storming in he said "You better tell me what is going on with my brother" and the Doctor said "All that I can tell you is that he is fighting for his life and may not make it.". When my brother in law had came back to tell us the news of what the Doctor had said I was freaking out even more and just panicing and just still in shock.  The next day we waited in the hospital still not knowing of what was happening my mother finally got there and she being a nurse knew a lot which helped she was so mad that they wouldn't let us go in to see him. He was on life support and you could just tell that he wasn't there that his spirit was completely out of his body and that the machines were just making him look like he was breathing there. I didn't want to sleep or eat all I had wanted to do was be by my sweetheart and to be able to say goodbye to him if at all he was ever to wake up. It was so hard for me to leave that my mother had to help me leave, it was so difficult. I felt like my Faith had been just pounded and weighed on me all at once. That night when we got to my sisters home everyone was talking and gave me comfort I had went upstairs just to have time alone for a while. I went in the bathroom just crying so much said a prayer to give me comfort which helped. My mother and sister came to check on me and then we all just started crying and we talked about Sean and I and our wonderful memories we have had together in the past 5 months of marriage and that made me laugh and happy just remembering the times we spent with each other. That night as I was kneeling to say my prayer to go to bed I had thanked the Lord for everything and for being able to give me the 5 months I had with my eternal companion and most importantly for  being able to be married in the temple for all eternity. Knowing that we were sealed helped me get through this because I knew deep down inside that no matter what happens its going to be okay and that even if he wasn't able to make I knew that we would be together forever. I thanked the Lord for giving me that blessing of knowing as hard as it was to say to the Lord I didn't want to but I knew and felt like I needed to say this and that it was the right thing to say I said "Heavenly Father as hard as this is for me to say and as hard as this is for me of what I am going through I am leaving this all up to thee thy will be done" that was so hard to do. While I was praying I was just balling and couldn't stop but saying this prayer helped because the Lord gave me comfort and a great feeling. I had no idea of what so ever was going to happen but I knew that no matter what was to happen that everything would be okay and that in the back of my mind the prompting kept on coming to me saying "The Lord doesn't give you trials that he knows you cant get through" Therefore Sarah by Faith Miracles can happen you have that Faith. The next day more family came which was way nice and wonderful to see everyone my brother had came to give me a Priesthood blessing which was just amazing I had such a spiritual experience which I will never forget. It was so unbelievable more than I could have ever even imagined it to have been. While my brother gave me a blessing my in laws were in the room were Sean was and guess what Sean woke up for the first time in 4 days, Of course with me not in the room. Earlier the Doctors had told us that if Sean was able to make it he would be brain damaged not remember anything so here I am thinking oh no he isn't going to remember our wedding, our 5 months of marriage,  not even me his own spouse. I was even more terrified and scared and in shock of still not knowing of what might happen when Sean woke up. He was trying to talk to his parents and he was freaking out trying to get the ventilator out of his throat and his mother was saying to him its okay sweetie dad and I are here and were okay and then finally once his mom had said and Sarah is here and she is okay he went back down relaxed back. When they came out they had told me what had happened and that he had woken up from his coma and that Sean remembered me. Once they said that tears were rolling down my face, I was relieved and so happy that my sweetheart had worried about me and making sure that I was okay even though he was not. Sean went back into a coma we were planning his funeral just in case because the Doctors had said that he wasn't going to make it and on the 6th day of him being in a coma I had gotten a very strong impression to keep him on the ventilator for one more day and so I told them that and they did. They said that the next day if he doesn't wake up from his coma that we would have to unplug the plug. I was in such shock but then all of a sudden I got a feeling that it was going to be okay and sure enough it was the next day Sean had woken up from his coma yay! I was such a happy wife it was tears of joy rolling down my face I was so happy to know that I wouldn't be a widow and that my sweetheart was alive and that I could finally talk to him. It turns out that Sean had remembered everything. He remembered the important things, he remembered me and our marriage. I was so happy and thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who cared about me and showed his love by having Sean remember everything. I was so blessed to have him alive the next day we finally were able to go home after 7 days of being in the hospital and not getting much rest or food in my body because I was so stressed out. It had taken 10 months for my sweetheart to recover. 2 years later 2011 we had tried to conceive and couldn't get pregnant and that was so hard not being able to get pregnant. We soon had realized that we can't have children unless of a huge miracle happens. I am so grateful that we have the chance to adopt someday. It's very hard to go though this and be okay with it I am still struggling with it but knowing that I will be a mother someday helps. Life isn't easy but its worth it. In 2011 I got really sick and was diagnosed with the a bad case of glaucoma which was just awful. I was trowing up for a total of 9 months so sick couldn't keep much down the doctors said that the only way to be able to not be sick is to remove the eye because they couldn't get the pressure to go down, that was so hard to be okay with removing your eye. I am just so very grateful and thankful for the gospel. By knowing this has helped me in every trail that I have and had gone through with the help of the Atonement and loved ones who loves us.  I truly know that the Lord only gives us trials that He knows we can handle and get through them together. I am so grateful to be the person that I am to become and to have the Faith that I need. During those difficult and testing my Faith big time I had came to realize that when we serve others and our going through the most difficult trials that we feel is difficult it might not feel that way to someone else because we all have different trails but yet we all need each other a long the way as well to help us along and when at those times it helped me to be able to serve others and to help them get though there trials and to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who need comfort that helped me a lot. I have felt prompted to tell our story for so long and now I am finally doing it I hope and pray that whoever is going through difficulties or hardships that they turn to the Lord for help and that I hope that this helped you who needs it. I like to bear you my testimony that I know that when we have Faith miracles happen more than we could ever even comprehend to have happen and that the Lord gives us trials because he loves us so much that he sent his son to die for us and that we have the Atonement knowing that helps I know that as we go through our trials we become stronger people have more Faith and more trusting in the Lord and as we do so we come to realize that by helping others not only helps those who are struggling but it also helps you big time because your not thinking about what is happening to you in your life and that is what helps you get through your trials and having the Atonement in our lives and being more like our Savior Jesus Christ as we do those things we will be more closer to the spirit and more like what we were sent here to become. I love you all and hope that you will also know how much the Lord loves and cares about you in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.